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BY SARAH LEWIS

Throughout my nineteen years of living, I’ve encountered many different types of human beings. During this time, there is one specific type of person who really grinds my gears. I’m not quite sure if there is anything on this planet that is worse than an overconfident know-it-all. Thankfully, if Newt Gingrich is elected he’ll just colonize the moon, and the problems of Earth will fade away. Is this real life? (OBAMA 2012!!!)

Anyway, do you know someone like this? A person who, no matter what the situation is, thinks they are the best and most knowledgeable on every single subject underneath this burning sun. Honestly, I’ve had the urge to slap people like this in the face. Why do they think they are better than the rest of the free world? Maybe no one has told these people that they are out of line, and I think that us DTE (down to earth) people should let them know what’s up.

In my experience, quite a few different types of know-it-alls exist. One, the regulation, academic know-it-all. Two, the beauty know-it-all. Three, the music know-it-all. Four, THEE KNOW-IT-ALL.
The academic know-it-all sounds a little like this: “HAHA you don’t know how to calculate the square root of seven point two five million? Wow, you’re stupid. It’s so easy…I just don’t understand how you don’t know how to do it…I’m a genius. Cower beneath me and my powerful brain.”

This is when I think, okay, pretentious jerk. I’m glad you think you are the smartest person alive. I cannot wait until these types of people fail…at least one class or test. I’m not trying to be mean, but honestly, these people are too rude for their own good, and maybe a little failure will bring them back to reality. I could rant on and on about how much writing I’ve done throughout my life, and how fantastic I am at the subject, but I don’t even mean that as I type it. To me, an opportunity to improve academically always exists. I’ll never stop learning, and the moment when I act like I’m smarter than everyone else is the moment I want someone to smack me in the face. When folks like this act as if I’m inept, I seriously consider leg dropping them…just saying.

The narcissistic, beauty, know-it-all sounds like this: “Oohh, that shirt isn’t cute. It looks like something my grandma would wear, and your eyeliner is ugly. Honestly, I think those boots are ugly too. You should update your wardrobe with some of the things I have.” Excuse me, but did I ask for your opinion at all? Hmm, that’s right, I didn’t. If I want style input I’m most likely going to look to Cosmo or Style Network. It’s only okay when Joan Rivers rips apart an outfit, honestly. And even then, I’m still going to do my makeup however I want while wearing whatever I want. This person’s style isn’t better than anyone else’s, so why can’t they shut up before I stuff my outdated non-Gucci sock in their mouth.

The music know-it-all is obnoxious for simply one reason. They think that the only good music is the genre that they like. “Oh, you like country music? You’re just a hick, redneck who dates your cousins.” First of all, calm down, it’s just music, so there is absolutely no reason to personally insult me. Secondly, nope, you are false. And lastly, my favorite artists are Kenny Chesney, Nicki Minaj, and Jack’s Mannequin…three completely different types of jams, but if someone decided to tell me they liked hardcore screamo music I’m not about to tell them that they’re stupid.

Lastly, exists the rare breed of the universal know-it-all. This atypical person is horrible, and if you ever come across someone who literally thinks they are the most well-versed guy or girl since Einstein, make sure they really know why E equals MC squared before you believe them. I cannot even begin to describe THEE know-it-all because thankfully, I’ve escaped from being overexposed to this scarce variety. All I can tell you is they are about to be a combination of Ken Jennings, Kathie Lee Gifford, and Simon Cowel…the simple thought of that mishmash makes me cringe.

End of story, it’s best to avoid know-it-alls unless you want to rip out your hair or theirs…And if you fit any of the above descriptions, please stop. Chances are, you offend people with your pushy ideals. You are not better than anyone. DTE is the way to be.