BY MIKE BRENNAN AND ALEX MICH, Staff Columnists
Once again elections are upon us. Keeping the student informed is a top priority for me, Mike Brennan, so I’m going to include Alex Mich in on this column and we are going to hash out the dos, don’ts, rules, and witty banter about this “interesting” time.
First off, we have the running parties, One Michigan Coalition (led by Dennis Lienhardt), Simple Needs Party (led by Jacob Collison), and Student Voice (led by Matt Ainsworth).
AM: You should probably include the e-boards.
MB: Nobody cares.
AM: Very well.
MB: Alex, thoughts on OMC?
AM: They have made a great effort to improve the image of SG, I know I have “bashed” them throughout the past few weeks, but they have done quite a bit to enhance student life.
MB: Really? I haven’t noticed much of an impact from them, other than Dave Knezek being the man. Then again, I’ve worked all semester.
AM: Yes, it is difficult to believe they have influenced life outside of the second floor, but they did.
MB: …Fine, how about SNP. Jacob seems to have taken his grassroots movement from last year, and made it a bit more mainstream.
AM: I am interested to see how he plays his cards.
MB: Yeah, me too, Finally we have SV. Once again, I am interested to see how Matt runs his campaign.
AM: Yeah, considering they are running absolutely no public campaign, I want to see how they do.
MB: Onto the platforms.
AM: Here we go…lets start with OMC. First of all, how do you implement a student judiciary that hasn’t been approved yet?
MB: And get everyone on board and comfortable with the idea…
AM: How do you revamp the 2nd floor of the library, where is the funding coming from, what do you expect to do?
MB: More beanbags and outlets? Less rent-a-cops? Take notes guys, take notes.
AM: Also, how do you speed up the room reservation process? can you hire more Aaron Sarvers?
MB: LOLZ at SAB, now SNP.
AM: Jacob’s revamped party still has less senators than the newly formed Student Voice party. Clearly, he did a better job with a fake candidate last year.
MB: True, I miss Bob Clayton.
AM: (sighs) Yes, also, he wants to promote Course Tools…
MB: You mean CTools? I think any student who takes COMP knows about CTools.
AM: Jacob has talked about raising student activity fees, yet his campaign poster says Raising Student Activites?
MB: GRAMMAR FAIL.
AM: I like the idea of the increased printers and Wi-Fi connectivity.
MB: Yes, something every party unanimously agrees needs to be fixed. Now onto Stude…
AM: I HAVE ONE MORE THING
AM: Access to SG officials. Clearly someone thinks SG is not accessible to students, I wonder if everyone feels the same way.
MB: Now Student Voice? Good! I really haven’t seen their platform.
AM: Pssh, me neither, I am curious to see what they have to offer. I went to High School with Matt, he could be as good as Teddy Roosevelt.
MB: Or a good teddy bear, he is a great leader when it comes to CVN. Now onto the campaigning rants.
AM: I hate campaigning, I feel like a mosquito. My last year campaigning, I skipped out on it.
MB: I’m really surprised to see long graduated alumni show back up for campaigning just because their former organizations are endorsing a certain party. Move on bro, move on.
AM: Haha, yeah… It hasn’t happened as often in the past few years, but I remember when you almost went toe to toe with various “distinguished” (their words, not mine) alumni.
MB: Also, students should consider themselves lucky, this year, voting will be held via UM-D Email, this Friday.
AM: Thank God.
MB: The past years found a lot of students in CASL, ELB, COB, and SSB being bombarded by boisterous colleagues trying to impose their UM-D socio-political values onto each other.
AM: Yes, I think my soul finally recovered from selling out to SG for those years.
MB: Mine is on its way to recovery.
AM: Well, in closing, make sure you read the platforms carefully before you vote. As our sportswriter, Ben Szilagy, would say, “GO OUT AND DO SOMETHING PRODUCTIVE.”
MB: Screw that, write me in as prez, I need the tuition, and stipend (beer money).
The views presented, unless otherwise noted, are of the individual authors and do not necessarily represent those of The Michigan Journal Editorial Board, the University of Michigan-Dearborn faculty or administration.