Ladies, if you vote Republican, you bitches can walk home

Kristen Golembiewski, Opinions Editor

By KRISTEN GOLEMBIEWSKI, Opinions Editor

Generally speaking, I’m not in the business of telling other females (cis-gendered or not) what to do. I don’t care what or how little they wear, and I’m not about to spend my time critiquing other aspects of their appearance or how they act.

But there are some things I just can’t ignore. Much like wearing your hair in a ponytail more than once a week or wearing sweatpants on a Monday, some things just going against, like, the rules of feminism. And voting Republican is one of those things.

I just don’t understand why any woman, regardless of race or social status, would vote for a candidate that has made misogynistic remarks on more than one occasion, did not support the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act, is anti-choice, and made comments that alluded to the idea that women have to rush home after work to be with the kids and cook dinner. Need I go on?

Oh, yes, apparently I do need to go on, because there’s a section on Romney’s website about Women for Mitt. When I Googled “Mitt Romney, women,” an ad for their coalition came up, with the tagline “We Cannot Settle for 25,700,000 American Women Living in Poverty.”

That just tells me that these women, well, I’m sorry to say it, but they’re stupid. Like, Sarah Palin stupid. Do you want a really great way to get women out of poverty without doing basically any work? Support Planned Parenthood, ya dingus. Increase access to contraceptives and abortion services. Stop making women have babies they don’t want and can’t support because you have this misguided notion that a fetus is a person which by the way, IT IS NOT. That’s why the medical term for it is “fetus,” not “baby.” Read up.

I don’t get how the ladies out there aren’t getting this. As my girl Gloria Steinem said, “whether or not women can determine when and whether to have children is the biggest element in whether they’re healthy or not, whether we’re educated or not, how long our life expectancy is, whether we can be active in the world or not.”

Yes, a lot of this article talks about a lady’s baby-makin’ parts, but when there’s such a push to make laws that directly affect women because of their biology, yeah, I’m going to spend a lot of time talking about it.

What’s that? You’re sick of hearing about it? Oh, okay. Cool. Wanna talk about how a bunch of people Mitt allies himself with have made absolutely sickening comments on rape? Or about how ol’ Willard himself supports parental rights for a rapist when a child is born out of that disgusting situation?

Oh, yes, America, you see, when a woman gets pregnant after being sexually assaulted, well, that’s just “something God intended to happen,” according to Indiana Senate candidate Richard Mourdock – who Romney still stands by. And then there’s my boy Todd Akin, Republican Senate hopeful from Missouri who said that women can’t get pregnant from “legitimate rape,” because the female body has ways to just shut that whole thing down. And as many as 11 other Republican candidates across the county hold similar views. So that’s cool.

So ladies, if you do choose to vote for the Romney/Ryan ticket next week, I’m sorry, but YOU CAN’T SIT WITH US. You know how beer commercials like to talk about taking away a dude’s “mancard” because he ordered the wrong kind of beer or made some other choice that depicted him as feminine? Well, if you go red on November 6, I’m hereby revoking your womancard. That’s right bitch, you’re out of the club.

The views presented, unless otherwise noted, are of the individual authors and do not necessarily represent those of The Michigan Journal Editorial Board, the University of Michigan-Dearborn faculty or administration.