By JASON SINGER, Staff Columnist
Overachievers, good news! You can put down those books, pencils, and 5-hour Energy drinks and stop worrying about your impending finals. Because there is a bigger impending event you should be worrying about.
That’s right, according to the Mayan Calendar, the end of the world will take place in just a few weeks on December 21. So sit back, relax, maybe pop a bottle or two of sparkling cider, and wait for the world to end.
I have been hearing all of the nervous jitters going around; the inexplicable stress associated with a date that some indigenous tribal witch predicted five thousand years ago. But what is the point of stressing?
Call it a suicidal, indifferent state of mind, but I figure there is nothing you can really do so why not enjoy your last couple weeks on Earth. I have resigned to the same mindset I have when I get on an airplane: If it falls out of the sky, I can’t fly, I’m not made out of steel so really no point in disrupting my peaceful voyage with unnecessary stress.
One positive prospect you can look forward to about the world ending is that it is going to take place before Christmas. Think of how much money you will save now that you don’t have to buy presents!
But then again one question particularly has been plaguing my mind: If the Mayans were so smart why did they vanish seemingly overnight? You’d think a population riddled with geniuses would manage to prolong their survival by at least a few thousand years.
New Age interpretations of the not-so-special 21 of December suggest that the human species will undergo a “positive physical or spiritual transformation”. God do I hate optimists. There of course has to be a group of people out there that have to flip the Apocalypse into some happy-go-lucky event. As if mankind deserves a second chance.
I would like, for a moment, to play Devil’s advocate and assert why the end of the world might not be such a bad thing.
For all intents and purposes, Homo sapiens have been around for approximately 200,000 years. Since then more blood has been shed on this planet thanks to one species alone more than any other Doom’s Day event that has ever taken place. Wars are fought, hate spreads, and resources are depleted. Humans have become something more than what nature intended; we tend to think of ourselves separate from animals. But we are not. The only thing that sets us apart from our household cat is our selfishness. Although, I have met many selfish cats before.
So just when you think the world is ending because you’ve waited until the last minute to cram that 12 page paper in or you haven’t practiced for your Spanish Oral exam, just take a minute to reflect that maybe, just maybe, it isn’t actually the end of the world.