We all know someone, whether from personal experience or a friend’s experience,
who does not know how to commit to having a serious relationship. Now, I’m not
talking about our cheating ex-boyfriends, although I would certainly love to.
At least we were able to get them to commit at first. I’m talking about the ones who are not willing to try.
Generally, we can predict from the first few conversations we have with our new potential love interest whether or not he is looking for a commitment.
We assume that since apparently guys don’t play games, they would be upfront about their feelings.
If they are looking for something serious, they will say it,and if they are looking to have fun, they will also say it. Well, not necessarily.
Can we do ourselves a favor and stop assuming that if a guy says something, he means it?
The reality is that we never really know a person. So for our own emotional
sanity, we should be cautious of even the guy who says he is looking for something serious.
Now, maybe it’s true that this guy can commit to you, but only if you are also willing
to have a sexual relationship with him right away. Sometimes we are not and that
is completely okay, as long as we make it clear what we are comfortable with.
Otherwise, we are leaving those possibilities open for guys to see what they can get
and how soon they can get it. So here is my problem: I want to address the guy who
says he understands that we are not comfortable jumping into a sexual relationship
and says that he is willing to wait, but really isn’t. I also want to address his ego,
which gives him the idea that he can try to pressure us.
He starts off with a few dirty jokes, maybe tries to get you to “sext” him, or even
“jokingly” asks you for some nudes. His defense: “But we’re going to be together,” or
“It’s not that big of a deal,” or “What happens between us stays between us.” Okay,
so now you can predict that we are going to work out for sure? Also, how incredibly
genius of you to assume we will trust you. Although I’m almost positive that what
I choose not to do sexually is based off of what I am comfortable with for my own
personal reasons. Nice try though.
So, after we make that clear and everything continues to go smoothly, we figure that
maybe this can go somewhere. He calls everyday, makes plans, and sends sweet text
messages. He’s made it clear that he is interested, and then one day he stops calling,
and that’s the end. Care to elaborate?
I guess the first plausible explanation is that he was not as interested as we
assumed. So how do we explain the behavior that suggested he was? Well, what I
think is that yes he was interested, and yes he thought he could date you, and then
realized that he is a guy and he has needs that he can’t do without.
Seriously? Did you really not consider that at first? If a guy considers himself
capable of entering a serious commitment, then I am sure he is capable of figuring
out what he is willing to accept and move forward with.
What’s more unfortunate than that are the guys who stop calling after they get what
they want sexually. I won’t even ask for an explanation from those guys. I would
just like to congratulate you on adding to the population of guys who are the reason
behind this never-ending cycle. I’m sure the good guys who are left would also like
to thank you for making it impossible to gain a woman’s trust.
We are not asking for promise rings today and family dinners tomorrow. We are
simply asking for some respect and honesty. The respect of understanding what we
are willing to put in and the truth about whether or not he wants to move forward.
And if he doesn’t? That’s fine. We’ll find someone who is. Until then, we won’t waste our
That is why I can respect the guy who comes right out and tells me that he is not
looking for anything serious. Although, it is a little upsetting that there’s no chance
of making that hot piece of available meat my boyfriend. I do not doubt my ability, or
any woman’s ability, but seriously we have better things to worry about than trying
to change their mindset. If you’re that girl, stop wasting your time.