By Jason Singer, Opinion Editor
It’s negative 15 degrees outside and your life seems to be melting. Are the laws of physics unraveling or are you just a hot mess?
I’d like to say that the first phenomenon is occurring. That all of Einstein’s ideas are just as whacky as he looks and now we are free to travel back in time because a wormhole has opened up in the universe allowing to see if we actually are adopted like our siblings like to claim we are. Or if you are a mistake. And with this knowledge you can lead a more positive life like me, because if I got past two forms of birth control as a sperm what could possibly stop me now that I am a fully grown human being?
I am on the brink of making life decisions and have no idea what to do. What I do know is that I definitely need a change and something’s gotta give. People say ‘Trust your gut’ all the time. But why would I trust something that gave me an ulcer a year ago; encouraging the acid to tear through my stomach lining? That’s like trusting Casey Anthony to babysit.
I can tell I am missing something in my life. I just can’t pinpoint what that something is. A big part of me is yearning to travel. Go explore new places, meeting new people in adventurous ways, and seeing what the world has to offer. I have always believed that you can learn more in a day abroad than in ten years in a classroom.
When a person talks about moving the follow-up usually is “What are you running away from?”
I am not running away from anything. And even if I am, I know for a fact my ghosts cannot swim which is why I would have to live across the pond. And hell, if my ghosts are creative enough to take a boat than maybe they deserve to follow me.
If you are currently a hot mess despite subarctic temperatures, have no fear. You are not alone. I was beginning to suspect a midlife crisis at the ripe age of 20 or that I had early onset menopause triggering a hormonal firestorm.
Maybe you find yourself in a serious relationship but part of you wants to jet off with no strings tying you down to the tarmac and explore life obligation-free. Maybe you are hoping one of you screws up to give you ammo to breakup. But part of you is hesitant because you know that down the road what you really want is a serious relationship anyway.
Well if that is you than I suggest a therapist. Or the common solution with people our age is drugs or alcohol. Either should work it just depends on if you want to spend $200 on an hour of talking or the money on something like Ecstasy which will make you go crazy and lick strangers at a nightclub.
Maybe we are suffering from the grass-is-greener disease. But what if the grass is only greener on the other side because you spent your 200 dollars on acid? Now life just became a whole lot more complicated.
As someone who has moved around quite a lot, I do think moving offers people a fresh start. So does the Witness Protection Program. Unfortunately, they don’t take applications. Trust me, I’ve tried.
But moving also has its pitfalls. Meeting new people and making new friends, even for the most outgoing individuals, can be a challenge. And there is always the possibility of you having a bad day and having no one close by to lean on. But we cannot let fear and what ifs dictate our decision making process.
Nine times out of ten we will always regret the things we never did rather than the things we chose to. Except maybe that one time when you went to Iraq for spring break because your friend told you the weather was great in April.
Looking at life from an incredibly depressing point of view always helps puts things in perspectives. For example, I think of 100 years from now (And yes, I am betting on improving technology that I will live to be as old as Yoda). When I am hunched over and near death, too weak to wipe myself so a hot nurse has to give me and hand every now and again, I will look back on my life, sorting through all of my experiences, all the opportunities I was presented with, and all of them to which I said a simple YES to.
It is so easy for us to say no to things. Because saying no is the easy way out. When you choose not to do something the likelihood of backlash from others is narrowed down to a 0% chance probability. And when you say yes it increases by 110%.
But who cares if people disagree with your decisions? Who cares if you lose a friend or two along the way because you chose to do what you wanted instead of what they wanted? It’s easy for us to judge others until we are the ones being judged. And last time I checked that friend of yours was a pothead who didn’t even have a high school diploma and played Dungeons and Dragons.
If you are having an existential crisis or facing a life changing decision, take a deep breath, look into the future, and think about it in the context of would you regret it. For the tougher decisions there are drugs and alcohol. And for everything else, there’s MasterCard.