JASON SINGER, Opinion EditorBachmann II

A great woman, namely Lisa Vanderpump of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, once stated: “Life isn’t always diamonds and rosé, but it should be”. Some people might incorrectly assume that all gay people are happy-go-lucky all the time; why else would a group be represented by a rainbow if they weren’t?

But like all humans, we are also immune to mood fluctuations. Me especially. So it’s hard when an ignorant person who assumes all gay people are rainbows and sunshine is talking to me-a cold, calculated, and uninterested vampire- finds him or herself at a loss for words when I sincerely say to them when asked why I don’t have a Chihuahua or carry a man-bag, “I’d slap some sense into you but that would be animal abuse”.

I have been thinking a lot lately on how I disagree with the way, at least in my opinion, many gay people on television and in pop culture are skewed representations of what we may actually be like. Now I definitely don’t speak on behalf of gay men, but I’m sure there is someone out there who will agree with me.

Because I’ve recently come down with a terminal illness known as Bravo-nia(One who watches Bravo incessantly) I can truly say that many gay on many of their TV shows  aren’t properly representative of the larger male gay community-they are over the top, extremely feminine, loud drama queens, who eat up gossip like Kristen Stewart eats up married men.

While Bravo may have missed the mark, something like Looking on HBO portrays a more realistic version of the different types of personalities that exist in the gay world; naturally all people aren’t alike despite their same sexual orientation.

I must say that stereotypes can be confusing, if not true in some cases, which makes everything a nice muddled line between reality and diarrhea. If I went off of what Bravo seems to stereotype as ‘gay’ then I am almost 100 percent convinced I am straight, despite having and living with my boyfriend.

Of course, it doesn’t really help when politicians like Michelle Bachmann say, “If you’re involved in the gay and lesbian lifestyle, it’s bondage. It is personal bondage…Don’t misunderstand. I am not here bashing people who are homosexuals, who are lesbians, who are bisexual, who are transgender. We need to have profound compassion for people who are dealing with the very real issue of sexual dysfunction in their life and sexual identity disorders.”

The best part? The former presidential candidate also said in a different interview, “This is not about hating homosexuals. I don’t. I love homosexuals”.

You think I have a sexual identity disorder, Michelle? Here’s one for you: Borderline Personality Disorder. Look it up.

It’s unfortunate that she didn’t win. Imagine how much better Bachmanncare would be if it covered the bills for sending us gays to her family’s clinic where her husband helps people pray the gay away. I’m not a dog thank you, I can’t be fixed.

And if she is planning on making a stellar comeback in 2016, I have already carefully instructed my boyfriend to send me to the vet to be put down. I’d much rather spend all of eternity burning in hellfire with Sir Elton John and Ellen DeGeneres singing and cracking jokes than playing backgammon in heaven with the Bachmann clan.

Societal pressures bear down on us from everywhere- Advertising, books, politics, laws, even cliché romantic comedies- all telling us the way we should act. Who is to say what is gay and what is straight?

I love cars. Some might call this a ‘straight’ quality. I also despise musicals and Glee with every atom in my body. Another point on the heterosexual vs. homosexual scoreboard. But I also have a bizarre love for Lisa Vanderpump. I like to look nice and shower before I go out. I love to have a spa day with my sister when I’m feeling down. I love ‘girly’ drinks like Peña coladas and sangria. What am I now society? Gay? Or Straight?

I have a boyfriend. So I guess at the end of the day I am gay. Although, for the record, my favorite color is not glitter, it’s blue. In the end, who gives two shits about what society deems what we should be like? After all, society has certainly got it wrong in the past. One only needs to mention the Civil Rights Movement or the Women’s Rights Movement to emphasize just how wrong society can be.

Although, it’s amazing with the archaic bubble Mark and Michelle Bachmann live in, it’s shocking he even let her out of the kitchen to be a senator.

So looking forward, my only advice is to be yourself and to hell with what other people think! Hell is where all the fun people go anyway.