By AMANI BADRAN, Staff Writer

I never actually realized that I was crazy until I had my music blasting on shuffle and these three songs played consecutively: Gunpowder and Lead by Miranda Lambert, Before He Cheats by Carrie Underwood, and Single Ladies by Beyonce. I guess screaming at the top of my lungs about waiting at your front door step with a gun, or slashing your tires followed by a dance number about being single has “neurotic” written all over it but it still didn’t stop me from doing so. Then it got me thinking: exactly how far would I go if I ever had to deal with a cheater? Or any idiot in general. Was there ever an okay reason to resort to physical abuse? Obviously the eff not.

I find it incredibly sexy when a guy gets angry, and the idea of him getting physical seems attractive when it includes pushing me into a wall and telling me to shut up. But if a guy ever actually put his hands on me, let’s just say he wouldn’t even have that to keep him “company” on a lonely Saturday night. Most would agree, especially women, but it’s a little disappointing because many of those same women think it’s okay for them to physically abuse guys. I, too, have a mental image of a woman giving a man a good beat down and it seems absurd, but seriously, hear me out. I have never been one to think that the first way to put a guy in his place is with violence, but I have also seen my fair share of women give a good bitch slap. Personally, I hate it. I think it makes the rest of us look stupid and I think it gives guys the okay to treat us the same way back. If a woman has to get physical to put her man in his place, then she must not be intelligent enough to do so with her words.

We made such a big thing about us women becoming equal to men, but somewhere along the way we took a step in another direction and decided that being equal meant making us superior. If there is anyone who wants nothing more than to omit gender from the guidelines of anything, it’s me. But at the same time, I never planned on using the feminist movement as an advantage and as motive to destroy the male species. I mean, I still love my men and I want them to be men, not my bitches.

You know, it’s funny because everyone pretends to have the same view on domestic violence. We all say that it is absolutely inappropriate and that we would never resort to such. But then your boyfriend gets pissed and “accidentally” misses the wall and punches the hell out of your face. Or he cheats and suddenly you have a gun to his head. (Not that I have ever been in either situation.)

 One final question though… if domestic violence has be

Chris Browncome so focused on which gender belongs on the receiving end, how do we decide what’s okay for same-sex couples? Well, on behalf of every ignorant person in the world: “It’s okay for two girls or two guys to hit each other.” I’m sure it’s every man’s fantasy for two lesbians to dive into a pool of melted chocolate while tugging on each other’s hair, but I imagine that’s not how most fights go. So who’s wrong? I guess it depends on who’s considered the guy in the relationship, right? Wrong. I’m not a lesbian (shit wait I’ve been single for 19 years so maybe I am) but I’m pretty sure the idea that each takes on one gender role is a myth, and a statement that may get you hunted down by a bunch of angry lesbians. Anyway, since we cleared that up. It’s definitely not okay for domestic abuse to take place in same-sex relationships. And as much as I love to watch guys beat each other up, it’s also definitely not okay for a couple to beat the gay out of each other.

 

  • Deanna Tarrow Kloostra

    Ok wow! First I was in an abusive marriage. I left before the physical beatings started, but they were next. Check out the power and control wheel that are all over the internet. These power and control wheels show you the gradual workings of how these men work and eventually lead to violence. After getting out of that relationship I started a lot of counseling. Then I decided to study on what manipulation means and power and control. I went back and got a type of social work degree so I could work with women of domestic violence. I did a lot of reading and then went out on the weekends with my girlfriend to play pool and put some of theories to the test. I got pretty good at getting into guys heads and knowing what they are thinking. I had a lot of fun doing this and it came in handy in a job I did working at a low income housing unit as security. When these men are sweet, they are everything we want, but they just can’t continue to be that man all the time. When a woman loves a man, she tries to fix everything, but some things just can not be fixed. I am not a lesbian, but do have family members who are. Domestic violence is actually more predominant in these relationship. ( I have been single for 15 years, and have not turned that way either.) Their are some new products out that a woman in an abusive situation created. The Family Court Journal and The Family Court Workbook. The journal has to be purchased at a counseling or domestic violence office. The Workbook is on the internet. The journal is used to document situation that happen with your abuser and can be used in court, by our attorney, to file complaints. The workbook teaches you how to file a motion in family court. The books are for women leaving their abuser and in the family court system. They are new tools that every woman going through a bad divorce or relationship should have.