By JASON SINGER, Opinion EditorBear Color

Why do so many countries hate America?

Three words. National Rifle Association.

Now I am not saying that every member who belongs to the NRA is a conspiracy theorist, paranoid-schizophrenic, racist, anarchist, and irrational moron…but it is a fact that many of the members are.

One of the greatest quotes in human history that emphasizes this fact is the NRA’s famous one liner, “Guns don’t kill people. People kill people”.

Last time I checked, I haven’t seen any guns grow a pair of legs, walk out of the store, and shoot up a bunch of lost pedestrians. And I live in Detroit. If it’s not happening in that city, it’s certainly not happening anywhere else in the world.

Or you wake up one night to find your gun whispering sweet nothings into your ear about what a prick your boss is and how he deserves to be put down for not promoting you.

Note of caution: If your gun is whispering things to you, you may have bigger issues than just worrying about defending yourself.

After the horrendous movie theatre shooting in Colorado, many Americans appropriately believed that gun reform should and would follow. But nothing happened.

Then the tragedy took place at Sandy Hook Elementary School where an unstable boy got a hold of his mother’s gun and decided to take out his mommy issues on a school full of children and teachers.

After the Sandy Hook massacre, gun reform was no longer a question of if, many people thought; it was only a matter of when. But as John Oliver put it, “One failed attempt at a shoe bomb and we all take off our shoes at the airport. Thirty-one school shootings since Columbine and no change in our regulation of guns.”

But to date, Congress has yet to pass any laws on gun reform. Hell, even tougher background checks didn’t even pass. If that’s not insanity, I don’t know what is.

After Sandy Hook, the NRA proposed teaching kids how to use a weapon. Their thought process was that armed children could protect other kids from kids with guns. What?! If you’re confused by this, then congratulations! You still have a functioning brain.
The example of the NRA calls into question what’s really wrong with America’s political system: Money can buy votes. The reason gun reform still hasn’t passed is because the NRA’s budget is estimated at about $231 million dollars, give or take a penny or two. That’s a lot of nice beach houses for congressmen and women who are in the market for some new real estate. Or gods forbid, politicians can’t live off of their meagre government salary. Luckily the NRA is charitable enough to help out people in need.

Why do thousands of dolphins get slaughtered every year in Japan? The geniuses in the NRA would say that it’s because the dolphins didn’t have guns to protect themselves.

NRA Executive Vice President Wayne LaPierre’s so brilliantly put it, “The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun”. While that might have some merit in an alternate universe, you know what might also help stop a bad guy with a gun? Regulation to prevent that bad guy from getting one in the first place.

Now don’t get me wrong. I’m all for constitutional rights. But let’s not forget that the Constitution was drafted at a time when the world was a far different place than what it is today. The fact that it’s easier for a minor to get their hands on an illegal firearm than it is a beer is pretty pathetic.

And while I suppose I do believe people have their right to defend themselves, I certainly don’t believe our Founding Fathers intended for that to mean the crazy cat lady next door stockpiling her backyard with military-grade automatic weapons and maybe a nuke for good measure.

Many who are staunch supporters of the Second Amendment believe that we should be able to have as many weapons, and any kind of weapon as we please. A security blanket, if you will, in case one day President Obama thinks, “To hell with Americans and their two-term limit! I am now a crazy tyrannical fascist and King of the U.S. bitches!”

We have a system of checks and balances in place for a reason. You don’t like your politician, guess what? Don’t vote for him or her and elect a new one.

There are always exceptions of course. Sarah Palin has Vladimir Putin living in her backyard, of course she needs guns and ammo in case a Bolshevik crosses her property line and threatens her freedom.

As one commentator on an article about gun reform so aptly put it, “Oh, we can’t pass gun laws because it treads on your liberty? Tell me more about how we must regulate marriage and vaginas.”

Here’s some food for thought: create a Smith and Wesson Abortion Pistol and we’d have gun reform faster than Michelle Bachmann can spell homosexual.

  • Abraham Collins

    More nanny-state hyperbole. Adam Lanza was a bad guy with a gun; none of the proposed laws would have stopped him that day. An armed faculty member would have had a chance.

    The NRA doesn’t advocate arming children.

    It is not easier for a child to get a gun than it is to get a beer. When I was a junior in highschool there were plenty of homeless people willing to buy me beer as long as I gave enough cash for him to have one too. If I wanted to get ahold of a gun it would be nearly impossible aside from risking my life burglarizing someone’s home.

    “But let’s not forget that the Constitution was drafted at a time when the world was a far different place than what it is today.” Right so let’s regulate your ability to speak freely on the internet, your cell phone, we’ll take your Bic pen, No. 2 pencil, Epson printer away and all you can use is a quill, inkwell, parchment and perhaps a printing press. Perfectly logical, correct? After all the 1st amendment was written at a time when the world was a far different place than what it is today.

    As for voting for a different leader when tyranny rears its ugly head: the ballots will be taken away, you rube, there wouldn’t be any voting.

    Regarding that abortion pistol: that’s actually a rather accurate representation of what abortion is already. The pro life movement doesn’t seek to ban the abortion vacuum, the forceps, etc. they seek to criminalize the aggressive act of feticide. Keep your tools, just don’t murder the unborn with them.

  • John “Second Amendment USA”

    Well said, Abraham Collins. This writer didn’t even understand that by quoting “Guns don’t kill people. People kill People”, he then (in the next sentence) proved that stateement He was trying to argue against it! LOL.
    And since you are from Detroit, why don’t you listen to your Police Chief, who said that people should arm and train themselves, since police can’t be everywhere and they are understaffed?
    There have been 5 self defense gun use events in the past month in Detroit! Good for that city. Look down to Chicago, where the TIGHEST and STRICTEST gun laws exist. Its a gansters paradise, since no law abiding victims can shoot back!
    Not one law has been proposed to take guns away from bad guys since Newtown. They are all aimed at the law abiding citizens. Hey, guess what, CRIMINALS DON’T BUY GUNS USING BACKGROUND CHECKS! THEY DON’T FOLLOW ALREADY EXISTING LAWS! THEY DON’T APPLY FOR CARRY PERMITS!
    Try looking at the world realistically, Mr Singer.

  • Joey Goon-City

    This writer sucks, he is one sided and blind. Fake one sided journalism. To the writer: please stick to writing children stories or employee your time doing something better, you stink as a writer and a journalist, basically this article is your own opinion and not I any way shape or form an actual article. All your doing is targeting and slamming gun owner and NRA members.

  • Patrick Foster

    There already are regulations to keep guns out of the hands of bad people. However it doesnt seem to stop them from getting them. So how will more laws help this?
    Your logic is terrible.
    And other countries hate us cause we bomb their citizens with drones. Get a clue.

  • kevin hill

    what illogical progressive gobbledygook. CRIMINALS DON’T OBEY LAWS. If that poor brave principal in Newtown had had a gun, maybe the only fatalities would have been Adam and his mom. no new laws have been passed that would have changed a thing. there is a solution. punish criminals. Stop excusing bad behavior and rewarding failure. we scorn success and seek to punish achievement today. And how about we stop teaching our children they are nothing more than animals. maybe they might not grow up to act like animals. just a thought.

  • Robert Akers

    Not very well thought out

  • unclejumbo

    I tried to finish reading this but it’s obvious it’s the incoherent babel of a self absorbed millennial. Might I suggest you abandon social media long enough to acquaint yourself with the facts. No, why bother, there’s another snarky tweet to send or another factually devoid screed to write.

    At one time, I might have suggested such drivel was a clear indication of a poor career choice. Alas, with the likes of MSNBC, CNN and the New York Times, propagandists are readily employable. True journalists are the ones left out in the cold. You’ll enjoy a successful career in the new paradigm where facts and truth are minor annoyances in the quest for change.

  • bisquik

    Fantastic! What a great satirical article mocking the dumbest liberal arguments against a literal reading of the 2nd amendment. I almost thought you were serious for a couple seconds. You really hit all the high points. The only thing you forgot was, “Civilians could never win a fight against a tyrannical government now days, they have tanks and drones!” If you could add that it would just be the icing on the cake. Thanks. Keep up the good work.

  • Clifford Deal

    MY carbine, sks and shotgun are laying on the table…haven’t shot a single person yet. Dang things must be defective..

  • Publius Ceasar

    I’m a far left liberal-socialist AND a Buddhist. Yet, even I know better than this drivel. I was raised by a 24 year Marine marksmanship instructor and guns have been a part of my life since my first .22 at age 6. Not a single one of my guns has ever gotten up and shot someone. Your right to be fearful and demonize gun owners stops where they infringe on my right to own a gun, where they infringe on my privacy, and where they infringe on my right to defend myself, my family and my property. I understand your feelings, but guns are merely tools – like my hammer, saw, and the knife in my kitchen. Yes, they are inherently dangerous, but they don’t get up off the table and kill people on their own. It is the INTENT of the user that kills. It isn’t a gun that kills, it is the person wielding that gun. If they didn’t have a gun, there are a lot more tools out there that can do the job as efficiently.

  • Chris Woodcock

    “Why do so many countries hate America?

    Three words. National Rifle Association.”

    Opinion disregarded.