Sweet Talk

By AMANI BADRAN, Staff Writer

I think I’m starting to realize why I hate the process of getting to know a new potential partner. I am fortunate enough to have eight close girlfriends, so at least one of us at any given time is getting to know a guy. And you know what every one of our early-stage experiences has in common? Sweet talk. Not exactly sure where the title came from because there isn’t anything sweet about being fed a spoonful of lies by a guy who barely knows you, but gives himself the privilege of calling you baby. Number on: I’m not your baby. Number two: I’m not trying to have your baby so slow your ass down and get to know me on a real level.

I don’t want a guy to tell me I’m beautiful or babe because he thinks that’s what girls want. (By the way, I’m still completely irritated with women who gave guys this idea). Maybe somewhere down the line when we are genuinely into each other, it’s acceptable. In fact, I expect that eventually a guy will use those words on me, but I only hope that it is after a reasonable amount of time. At least that way I won’t have to question if you’re only calling me baby because you’re talking to too many girls at once and you’re avoiding calling me by the wrong name. I also don’t want to think that you could be calling the next girl beautiful just as easily as you’re doing so with me.

We’ve all heard it before that “talk is cheap” and I will still say it once more: talk is incredibly cheap. So instead of trying to shower me with empty compliments, talk to me. Really, genuinely, have a conversation with me. I refuse to bounce compliments off of one another. It’s not cute. And you will definitely win the “you’re cuter” arguments because you’ll be the only one going at it. Like honestly WTF am I cuter than? I didn’t even say you were cute. Hashtag Freudian slip? Your mind must have made you believe I said that because it’s what the small minded women in your past frequently repeated to you. That’s great for your ego, but not great for our future. Do not ever assume that’s how I want to be spoken to. It’s just not sexy. It should be called bitter talk. I mean, you’re clearly having trouble keeping it in your mouth. Unfortunately it’s being unleashed onto me.

Listen, I am very aware that many women may disagree with me. Plenty like to be called princess, love, babe, and sweetie. And then they like to sit on daddy’s lap, be given a treat and cradled to bed. I, on the other hand, have a huge fascination with men who refer to me by my name. As underrated as it may be, it is the most attractive thing a man can call me. It’s almost like eye contact in word form. It makes me feel important because I know you are speaking to me. It is so simple but so oddly meaningful.

However I will say that a subtle slip of sweet talk is appreciated, if used in the right context, once we’ve reached the stage in our relationship where it’s genuine enough that it has real intimacy and meaning behind it. And you’ll know when that time comes because it’ll happen so naturally that you’ll realize you’re not only doing it because thats what you’ve been taught. I hate cardio, but if sweet talk happens too early, I will run. Very fast. So, next time you think I’m craving something sweet, save your bullshit lies and take me out for dessert.