This Week in Gaming

By AARON YNCLAN, Staff Writer

The impossible has happened as spring has returned, bringing with it the glory of the sun to revitalize our souls and the radiance of traffic cones to ravage our sanity. Now all may not be perfect as our sleep-deprived minds and caffeinated bodies prepare themselves for the coming onslaught of final exams, but that just makes this the perfect time to look to the light at the end of the semester and the liberation that will soon be upon us!

From students and professors to counselors and janitors, every one of us has worked hard this year to better ourselves, and those strenuous work ethics have taken their toll; we all are in need of some rest and relaxation, and what better place to find that than in some of the finest destinations the gaming world has to offer! You’re too busy, you say? Too broke to afford that kind of luxury and delight? Balderdash! Who are you to let such trivialities as wealth, responsibility, and reality belay your entertainment?? You deserve a good repose, and that’s exactly what you’ll get at each of these fabulous locations!
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Rook Island (Far Cry 3)– The center of the largest sex and drug trafficking ring in the Pacific, Rook Island is a tropical paradise! Home to an army of meth-crazed mercenaries as well as dozens of indigenous fauna including tapers, leopards, komodo dragons, and bull sharks, you’ll find hundreds of leisurely activities to while away the hours, including: backpacking, jet skis, hunting, knife throwing, murdering sprees, and many, many more! Just as in Mexico, however, it’s best to stick with bottled beverages as consumption of local brews have been known to induce wild hallucinations, a fondness for tattoos, and the homicidal urge to kill your friends and loved ones!

The Fade (Dragon Age series)– Not an adventurous type, you say? Then perhaps you’d prefer something a bit more spiritual like the wondrous mysteries of The Fade! A metaphysical realm of chasms and spires, you’ve probably already visited The Fade in your deepest dreams! Normally only wielders of the arcane may consciously enter, but documented incidents have told of a few non-magic individuals who’ve gained entry with the aid of special rituals and devices. Remember not to trust your eyes and ears while there, however, as residential spirits and demons have a nasty little habit of tricking tourists into ghastly contracts that often result in the tourist becoming a possessed abomination! Aside from that, The Fade’s a philosophers dream!

Los Santos (Grand Theft Auto V)– You’re absolutely right, you don’t want some silly hippie-dippie jaunt! You want something simple, more grounded, like Los Santos, San Andreas! The City of Saints, Los Santos is a melting pot of culture and sophistication. Enjoy fine dining at the Pipeline Inn, stop to catch a flick at the Ten Cent Theatre, get mugged at the L.S. Port just as a cadre of criminals destroy and raid the Merryweather Security Counseling compound. From Vinewood Boulevard to the Rancho Towers, Los Santos is the ultimate tourist trap of America!

borderlands_2_screenshot_01Pandora (Borderlands series)– Hey, don’t think I’ve forgotten about you space-faring adventurers! Need something more adventurous for your holiday? Legends of ancient vaults containing vast stores of wealth and technology have attracted the biggest weapons-manufacturing corporations and every crackpot mercenary from across the galaxy to Pandora; each one of them ready to kill, backstab, and torture whoever they have to in order to get their prize! Think you’ve got what it takes to brave the thousands of vicious creatures, crazed-bandits, and giant robots to solidify your name in galactic history?? Then please put your seat and tray tables back to their original, upright positions, put your head between your legs, and kiss yourself goodbye; Welcome to Pandora, kiddos!

Rapture/Columbia (Bioshock series)– I know what you all really want! You don’t want to just settle for the blasé and routine; you want the absolute best! You demand the finest luxuries, the very best that society has to offer; to that, I tell you to look no further than the city of Rapture! The visionary dream of Andrew Ryan, Rapture is an underwater utopia for the brightest, most innovative minds who seek to escape the political, social, and religious anxieties of the outside world. The city is a breathing mosaic of gothic architecture merged with a classic 1950s aesthetic, and houses some of the most remarkable men and women you’ll ever meet, from the terrifyingly gargantuan Big Daddy’s to the genetically warped Little Sisters. But there’s more! When you tire of dodging deranged Splicers and lethal Security Bots, simply hop aboard the lighthouse express to the metropolis in the sky, Columbia! A symbol of American ideals and beliefs, Father Walter Comstock’s city is a theocratic haven. With the wisest individuals pioneering technology on every front and the protection of the totalitarian police force, Columbia provides the greatest of pleasures for any to indulge in!