I’ve been to quite a few concerts in my day and, at nearly every single one, there are certain types of people I meet that I despise. I don’t know you and I already hate you. You are ruining this for me. Stop it. I paid money to be entertained, not distracted by you. Of course these are all subjective, but you probably hate these people too.

1. The “drunk before the opening act” fan

I don’t understand the appeal of getting wasted or high or whatever when you’re going to a concert. I’d personally want to remember the experience. However, there is always someone that has zero control when it comes to imbibing. Yeah, you can go get a beer, but if you’re getting kicked out before the main act takes the stage, you’re doing it wrong. I always end up right next to this guy, him stumbling around and harassing everyone. Ugh.

2. The robot/the way-too-into-it fanconcert-tickets_1

Now there is a dualism with some concert goers. You are either way to into the music or you are just an emotionless blob, not affected whatsoever by what’s going on in front of you. Meh, so what if the lead singer is crowdsurfing? Come on man, try to live a little, you’re at a concert. It’s way too much fun for you to be sitting down and trying to act cool. Conversely, you could be jumping all around, trying to start a moshpit and shouting for the band to do your favorite song. Please stop doing that last one. The band has decided their setlist way in advance. Your shouting is only pissing people off. And they can’t hear you for the most part. I guess I’d rather have someone I know is enjoying themselves and is getting their money’s worth, but there is a limit you can hit… then after that you’re just obnoxious.

3. The tall person in the front

Okay, I’m not the tallest girl in the world, but I’m taller than most. So when I see someone who is five-foot nothing in GA trying to see, I let her pass. After all, I can still see everything because I’m taller than her. The band is visible, so I’m good. It’s just courteous. Maybe it’s just me, but if you’re over six feet tall, there is absolutely no reason that you have to be hugging the guard rail all the way in front. Yeah, everyone wants to be as close to the act as possible, but keep in mind that it’s very difficult to see around your big fat head, you stupid tall person.

4. The one who won’t put down their phone

I hate to break this to the people who want to tape the show going on in front of them, but there is no way that you are going to look at the video you shot. The quality is awful, the sound is awful, the angles are awful. It’s all awful. So why do it? I don’t want to stare at hundreds of lighted screens when I’m trying to focus on the show. Never take video. You are allowed seven photos because, hey, maybe you want to show someone you were there. But there are only so many photos you can take that will end up good anyway. Just think: you’re focusing on your photo, checking it after you took it. You paid so much money for a ticket, so shouldn’t you be watching the show? I don’t want to sound like a Boomer, but live in the moment! You’ll enjoy yourself more. If you’re too busy looking at your phone, you might miss the lead singer run right by you.

5. The “I know only one song” concert goer

I can see this one being a bit contentious. Far be it from me to judge your caliber as a fan, but man, you should really know more than the one or two songs that made the band popular. Don’t get me wrong, that’s usually one of their best ones, but if you’re waiting through the whole show when the song is inevitably played at the end, you’re going to be bored. You’re not getting the best bang for your buck. Just go to Spotify in the days leading up to the show, listen to one or two albums, and get a feel for the music. Trust me, when you listen to the songs on the set list after the fact, you’re going to be really pissed that you went to the bathroom during what would become one of your favorite songs ever. The more you know of a band’s discography, the more you’ll appreciate the concert. I mean, I’m sure you could enjoy a concert just as much (I know I have in the past), but trust me when I say you’ll enjoy it more when you know more than two songs. Besides that, it’s annoying for me – the person that does know all the songs – to hear you in front of me (YOU GOT BETTER SEATS THAN ME HOW HOW HOW) say something along the lines of, “when are they going to play [insert song here]? I’m bored.”