In case you didn’t already know, Kevin McCallister from Home Alone is my spirit animal. Recall the beginning of the movie when he’s cluelessly wandering the halls of his house trying to get help packing for a trip and all he wants is the simple nourishment of a cheese pizza? I just want my mom to pack my suitcase for me for the rest of my life, and all I ever want is a simple cheese pizza, just for me, but do I ever get my cheese pizza? NO. And will my mom pack my suitcase forevermore? Probs not.
If I had to compare my aversion to conflict in layman’s terms, I would liken myself to a Chihuahua. So basically, whenever anyone’s disagreements heighten over 75 decibels, you can nearly guarantee I will be sitting in the corner equating my reaction to be 33 percent fear, 33 percent shake, 33 percent anxiety, and 1 percent possibility of needing to nervous pee.
When this kind of all out life fatigue sets in, I’ve realized there’s only one way you can possibly reserve your sanity…TREAT YO SELF. You know why? Because when the going gets tough the tough get going all right. They get going to treat themselves. “But how do I treat myself when I’m already so overwhelmed?” you ask. Well, first of all, stop whining because that is cutting into quality you time. Second, forget about all your responsibilities and commitments for just one hour a day. Do it. It’s one hour that you probably were going to spend complaining anyways. So take that hour to do something you previously would say you don’t have time to do.
I think the ice on the ground is a metaphor for this semester. I can’t walk on ice without falling directly on my patootie. Thus I won’t be getting through this semester unscathed much like I had imagined. The unbecoming, unexplainable rash that sprouted on my arm overnight last week made me face the reality of extreme trauma. Is this real life?
I wish that I could viciously shake everyone who has been convinced that they need to overhaul their body a la dieting and extreme exercise and say, “JESSICA SIMPSON IS WEARING SPANX IN THAT COMMERCIAL. PUT DOWN THAT NASTY, POWDERY PROTEIN ‘MILKSHAKE’ AND BUY SOME SPANX IF YOU WANT TO LOOK LIKE THAT. And please, avoid everything Jillian Michaels tells you because she just scares me.”
It’s hard to believe I never would have had either of you in my life if it weren’t for this newspaper. I know I say this all the time, but this is why it’s so important to get involved before you graduate. These years come and go so quickly; don’t give them up. Make the friendships that will make you cry when you get left behind. But goodbyes are the hardest thing for me to say, and that’s why I’m not saying it. I’ll meet you guys on the other side when I graduate in April.
Pantyhose deserve to be banished from the universe. Never wear them unless you want your entire life to be ruined. Am I being extreme? Absolutely not.
Now is not forever. Life isn’t set. You are allowed to change your mind.